in response to Gabes_mom...Hes so little..I think your a great mom to put him first and quit your job to be with him..its good you saw the signs of something being not quite right and took action. I know it must not be easy but at least you know he is safe with you ..the rest will fall into place however slowly..your right, they pick up on what they see..its never to soon to start modeling behavior that you want them to learn.
in response to Gabes_mom...I save money by couponing, cutting our grocery bill from 600 a month to about 180 and invest the rest or just save it..I am also a mystery shopper, getting things for free..you dont make a ton but you get alot of free stuff..there is also a site called freelancer.com where there are projects that you can bid on...you can also you can babysit which would keep you in your home..i have done a landscaping business with only a lawnmower and basic tools..it was very productive...I also do online surveys and dont know if you ever tried it but check the barter section of craigslist because there are people on there that will trade services..you may not be able to make more money but you can save it..I do understand quitting a job because of your son, Ive quit many over my kids and sounds like something was really wrong..how old is he?
Hi,
I just read your story and really feel for you..your bf sounds like a pretty selfish person but Im sure you already know that judging from how he treats you..but you can slowly get independent so that you can leave him and have your baby in a healthy envirornment..children shouldnt have to witness that kind of abuse, its abusive that he yells at you, puts you down and mostly takes you for granted..he doesnt respect you and thats kind of scary considering you live together and he puts himself first not you..I was in an abusive marriage for over 8 years and I didnt think I would ever get out, it was a slow painful time the last two years, I endured it all so that I could get through school and have a marketable skill to take care of my children..let me tell you, hard work pays off..what skills do you have? Also, do you work?
I have some idea's about how you can start to get independent..including some work at home things that I do in addition to teaching..mostly, you have to try to build a support system. is there someone you trust or can depend on in your life that will help you and your son until you can get on your feet and away from your situation?
if you need to talk pls message me, if you send any personal info you can message me one to one so that its not public..take care and keep your head up,,dont let anyone make you feel small, you are everything to your child and probably his entire world, let him be your inspiration to do better and in time you will find someone who truly values you and will be your partner in life.
God bless
in response to Bee's Knees...I had no idea it was that long! I hope you stay, your advice and info is very helpful..but understand if it gets to be too much
Posted in How are you today? on Feb 19, 2012... modified on Feb 19, 2012
Hi, I am sorry that your husband left and can't imagine what you are going through. He is selfish and inconsiderate of you and your children. I hope that your children are surrounded by people who love them and can spend quality time trying to reverse his damaging and demeaning acts. As for your teeth, I am hoping the information I have is going to work for you. Im not sure how far you are from this dental school, but it has very good reviews and is in Mass
You have to NOT have a regular dentist to go here and I think I read the emergency room fee is about 80..Im not sure what all they do but since I have been to dental schools in the past, they are pretty much the same, they take forever, they are students and learning and the professors have to sign off on every procedure. With that being said, they are also much much cheaper than dentists so hopefully that makes it worth it. This particular school has very good reviews and I am hoping they can help you. As for your husband, if he is still working somewhere, I would file for support..ASAP if you already haven't. I used to think my ex didnt have any money because we lived very frugally..turns out he was hiding/saving it all and a simple asset search showed he had saved over 250,000 in our 7 or 8 years together. Needless to say, I was awarded over 70,000 of that money..you never know..at least try to file and see if he has any hidden assets you and the kids can live off of. Worst case, draw medicare/medical, foodstamps, etc and let them track him down to pay for it, its the least he can do after leaving you in such a slump. Take care and I hope you get your teeth fixed. Best of luck to your family.
in response to NishQuiche...Hey Sweetie,
I have learned in life that you can't want things badly enough for other people to want them as well.That being said, sounds like you have your stuff together, but your BF needs to get his. I think its going to be very difficult for you to cut those apron strings and even if you do, you will always be the "one that took her son away". Let him make the decision on your own. It may take him seeing that you will go on with your plans with or without him. If he can't tell his mom no, it's not your job to convince him. You should find out early, no matter how much you love him or want a future with him, how committed he is to you and your future together. If you constantly are telling him what he should or shouldnt do(even if your right) you are just another version of his mother. Dont you want him to love you for you? Be you. Be strong and continue to meet your goals for your life, the life you want. Your BF has to want it as well and for the right reasons. I wish you the best of luck, you shouldnt have to convince him to be present in your relationship..sounds like his relationship with his mom is a priority and doesnt sound healthy.
in response to Sheka31...Hi,
this is a BLOG..we talk about our problems and solutions here but its not EXTREME MAKEOVER..you need to go to the extreme makeover site
I am wishing my friends and family much love and blessings today and everyday...I don't think there is anything wrong with celebrating the love you feel for others on Valentines day..or any day for that matter..I try to make every day special in some way for my children by letting each one know why I love him/her...and spending alone time with them even if its only a few minutes..as for my wonderful awesome husband, I could never in a million years express my gratitude and love for him..he is so giving and has taken care of our family beyond my expectations..I think that this is a good day to let someone special know they are truly loved..its not about gifts or material things but theres nothing wrong with giving someone something that will make them happy or know you were thinking of them..
Hi Jerin,
I am sorry that no one cared enough to call you for your birthday..please remember it doesn't mean they don't care..it may mean they are self-centered or take your goodness for granted. I have come to realize that people are very limited and I've learned to love and accept them despite this. I have a demanding, self-centered mother that never acknowledged my birthday in the same way she did my brothers, yet I am the only child that pays her bills, runs her errands, does her taxes, etc..I got angry the last time and decided to pay her back...(our birthdays are 2 weeks apart) you know what? It didn't feel good.. I hated knowing I had hurt someone I was supposed to care about by pretending to forget her special day because she never remembers mine..so I came to the conclusion she must not do this on purpose but just takes my goodness for granted..but most importantly, as you said, GOD allows us here another year and that is the biggest blessing we can hope for. Try not to let others foolishness and selfish behavior hurt you, your the bigger person and Happy Birthday even if it's late!
Blessings,
char
in response to spicy45...Hi,
One thing I do from home is couponing. I reduced our grocery bill from 600 a month to less than 200. I also do surveys and use swagbucks to get giftcards. A very unique idea I came up with is grocery shopping for elderly or those homebound. You can post on craigslist or some other free site. There is dog walking, doing housework, elder care( bathing, feeding, etc), babysitting, also try a site called freelancer.com
they have jobs in categories that are very unique and you have to bid on the project. You could end up correcting papers for someone, posting fliers or something else really unique. Also, I have paid my rent by selling things on craigslist and having an online shop on ebay. I had many high end items such as coachbags etc and trust me lots of people will buy a real used one just to have one..when they cant afford to buy one new. I also sell books on amazon.com and old videogames my kids dont play anymore. I have found many unique ways to make money. Lastly, get together with a few other people and host yard sales..do a different one at a different persons house each weekend. I hope some of these suggestions help. Finally, by reducing your spending, you will be saving money which is just like earning money. Cut down on hot water use, electricity(turn off unused lights/tvs. and unplug appliances not being used) by in bulk things like flour, eggs, sugar (use this to make anything from biscuits to cakes)..eat less meat, beans in bulk cost a fraction and last very long..drink more water less soda and sugary drinks, and call your electric company or gas company to apply for a low income savings program, you will pay much less if you qualify for your monthly bill.
Have a great night!
I am sorry that your family is having a hard time right now, I hope that one of these agencies is able to help you. I used to live in Tucson and received help from the Salvation Army..I have included them below. I think you are in Maricopa county, let me know if anything works out.
Maricopa County Human Services Department Community Services Commission. 234 N. Central Ave. Suite 3000, Phoenix. Assists low-income families with basic needs through financial assistance, information, referral, education and other social services. Services include utility deposit payment assistance, mortgage payment assistance to prevent eviction or foreclosure, rent payment assistance to prevent eviction. Home weatherization and repair or replacements of utility related appliances are also available to eligible households.
• Society of St. Vincent de Paul, 420 W. Watkins Road, Phoenix. Provides a wide range of services for people and families in need of emergency assistance. There are programs to help pay bills. Rent assistance and food boxes are also provided for qualified people. For more information: 602-266-HOPE (4673) or www.stvincentdepaul.net.
• Salvation Army Phoenix Social Services Emergency Assistance, 2702 E. Washington St., Phoenix. Provides financial assistance for eligible recipients. Assistance includes rent payment assistance, utility assistance, food boxes, USDA food bags and back-to-school clothing. 602-267-4122. www.tsasw.org.
in response to troy flora...You are very welcome, when things slow down, I will be able to post more :)
I started a new venture, mystery shopping and its pretty time consuming in addition to teaching..but I have alot of different info on money saving and government programs..I will be posting soon!
Thanks again and have a great night!
in response to LDKC...you have three years time to file an amendment to your taxes. refile and claim your son if it will get you a return versus not claiming him. Due to new laws regarding students under 25 and credit requirements, students will need co-signers.The process is to try to get the parent to take out the loan for the student, then the rest of what the parent doesnt qualify for, the student gets in a loan,up to the amount they are eligible for.
I think its unfair and actually penalizes parents and students and there are alot of sticky situations in between. For instance, my 19 year old daughter hasn't lived at home in three years, but I had to give my info. for her to get her student loan. She qualified for 8,000 of the 14,000 and they wanted me to take out the loan for the remaining. I refused. I already pay her rent, gas, cable, and food bills. So, they denied her the financial aid unless a parent co-signed. Even if the parent is denied, they must apply(or someone has to apply as a co-signer) for the student to get any aid.
I ended up making monthly payments of about 438 a month for her remaining balance and this was the only way I could get her qualified to receive her financial aid.
Best of luck, have your son apply for scholarships and see if that helps any, also maybe a fee waiver which is different from financial aid..but helps alot as it takes care of fee's at public colleges.
I would love a gyml membership too but its impractical to think as expensive as they are...I lost much of my baby weight by eliminating sugar, unhealthy fats, and soda..drinking as much water as possible everyday and eating mainly vegetables and fruits. If you can do some type of excercise, like walking this will help you too. you can use canned foods in each hand as small weights and look online for excercises..even putting your baby in the stroller and walking up and down the mall burns calories..eat low calorie snacks like popcorn with no butter, or make a cake using applesauce instead of oil and egg whites instead of eggs to make it fat free..no frosting but still a nice treat..dont expect it all to come off immediately, it will take time but a couple of months, you will see a huge difference..I hope this helps
I wish that I were closer to help you out. ..I am sooo sorry to hear about your other kids..they should have some compassion for your baby son..it must be hard for you as well not having them to help out with some of the burden right now..my older ones are still teens but really have disapointed me at times when I was having a hard time and they could have easily taken some of the load off of me with their younger siblings but they were selfish and it showed me to a different side of them..I know most teens are self-centered but still when your mom is going through a crisis, I would think they would drop everything to help me as I have for them...but anyway..can you take your son to his pediatrician to see if he can get some excused time off from school? also maybe a mild sedative or something they can give a child if you think that he may benefit from that..Im sorry Im just grasping at straws, I dont really have any answers as I havent been in this situation but i do sympathize with you as no one should have to shoulder this alone..I dont think that its necessarily bad to let Jacob play his games right now, its a way of escaping what he is dealing with..I will give you a call tmw during the day, try to be strong and Im going to keep you in my prayers..
char
in response to Bee's Knees...Just wanted to say hello and that I hope things are going good for you and your family..I am about to start my second round of hcg well I am fat loading today and tmw so I already started. Now its to the point I dont want to eat anything bad because it makes my body feel so sluggish..I am having a big garage sale this weekend to help raise funds for my sons upcoming trip to Mexico and was wondering if you have any teenaged boys? We have some clothes that are brand new with tags still on them we found in the closet and now they dont fit my son..I know we wouldnt get much from a garage sale on them so looking for someone that could use them, also he has two brand new pair of shoes. If your interested, Id love to send to you and if you want to see pics or know sizes, message me privately.
talk to you soon
char
contact the Southern Carolina dept. of Complaints, here is a link..also file a complaint with the better business bureau..this should get the shops attention. They do not want bad publicity. I have never been to a shop that could not show me the diagnostics report, if they did one, there should be a record of it..I hope this helps
in response to Leese...hi Lisa,
I know you need encouragement right now and I'm glad that I am able to provide even a little bit. Unfortunately, no one can tell you exactly what to do or say in this situation...I am hoping that someone who has been through it can tell you how they dealt with things..I think what you are doing sounds like a good plan..I know it would probably help if you had some support from the other siblings and I am sure it would make your son feel a little more reassured as well..I am sorry it took me so long to get back to you, but I have hundreds of papers to grade nightly and scan in addition to the constant reports I write for my second job..if I had the time I would help you write to the other groups for support but all I can do right now is answer posts every few days so I don't get behind on my work..I am hearing conflicting stories about help given on some of those sites so don't get too hopeful but I do think its worth a try. I personally know of someone who was helped there but others on Aidpage have said there are people scamming on those sites so who knows, the truth is probably different for everyone and their individual experience. In any case, I probably wont be on for a few more days as I have a few pressing projects to complete but I will be hoping and praying for good news for you.
char
Its good to hear from you..I have been on here less and less due to such a hectic schedule..I know how hard it is trying to make it and really having nothing to hold onto except hope..its even harder when you are trying to reassure a child that everything is going to be ok, when you know in fact its not going to be ok, not like he is used to..I am so sorry for what you and your son are going through , I cannot imagine being a child and trying to understand my father dying..you are so strong to just keep smiling for him..I wish that I could promise things will work out but ultimately we never know what the future holds...and we are very seldom in charge of it..I know your trying your best and saving and thats all you can do. I will be looking into any resources I can find..have you tried wish upon a hero or helpneighbors.com ?
both of these sites work a little differently than aidpage.. there are people wanting to help others and read your story with the intention of helping, not so much like here where the majority need major help and only a few are able to give..just a thought..can't hurt to try and also FYI a friend of mine got a ton of help from both of these sites but it helps to post a picture of you and your son, and make available any documentation that would help legitimize your story... God bless and I will join you in prayer that God answers quickly..
Char
in response to Bee's Knees...I know how you feel..its hard when someone doesn't read all the way back and understand whats going on..some people are just so desperate for help here that they just immediately assume you can help them..You do great work and are so encouraging here! If I hadn't read your post about the HCG then I wouldn't have lost all of this weight so quickly..you give awesome info and alot of us here truly appreciate it! I am hoping that you stop getting contacted regarding that show and continue to encourage all that you do...take care
char
be encouraged..I know firsthand how hard working and going to school is, plus raising a child..I struggled with depression as well as balancing school/work with 3 kids while my husband was deployed to Iraq..I do know, sunshine comes after rain and as my grandma often told me " this too shall pass" I know its not life changing advice, but sometimes helps to know others have been where you are and came out ok..your positive attitude and determination are amazing..did you start your couponing yet? I have extra coupons if you need any, let me know what items you use and Ill send to you..have a great tomorrow
char
in response to Bee's Knees...Just wanted to thank you for your support through my diet, I am done with round one and lost about 17-18 pounds. I am in a size 9 down from a 12 and very happy..now I am working out and watching what I eat carefully. I may do another round later but I am very pleased with the results. I emailed you a one to one photo before and after
thanks again
char
in response to Leese...Hello and I did not get your last message Im sorry..I cant count how many times thats happened to me, random messages are just out there somewhere...I cant say that I have gone through the type of struggle you are experiencing right now but I do have a constant struggle with one of my children that breaks my heart...so I do know what it feels like to hurt for your child. I know that moving must be the thing you want most right now and the furthest away..I know how expensive it is to move and had to make the tough decision to just take our gas money and forgo the moving van. It did require a sacrafice of all of our homes belongings and only the clothes on our back is what I could take for my two kids. It was hard. They each only could bring one or two small toys and left everything they knew. In my small car, our move took me about 60 dollars in gas to get to our destination and we pretty much lived on top ramen and sandwiches and water for a long, long time. I am not trying to discourage or deter you from your wishes to be near family. I just want you to know that even though its hard and you are wanting it to happen sooner rather than later, It always helps to have a backup plan, which isnt always ideal I know , but in the event you have to make a split decision of whats best for your child..maybe trying to start over with family and support to get through this terrible time will take priority over trying to move and take your necessities..please be encouraged and I pray you are strong for your son through all of the things he must be feeling right now.
I just want to offer you encouragement and tell you I have been where you are. I had more before I was married than after I got married and had kids. In fact, I lost it all from my first husband. I experienced homelessness, poverty, and felt like an inadequate parent being unable to provide for my kids. What did I learn? Not to depend on others for the life I want. It was a hard lesson, but one I took to heart. At the time I didn't think I would ever get on my feet, but I'm so bullheaded I just refused to quit trying. My biggest mistake is who I choose to marry as well. After all the abuse, neglect, lies and suffering being married to him, and a long, expensive custody battle, I finally was awared my children and able to put my ex and my past behind me. Its been over 10 long years and an even longer climb back up to where I was before I married him, but I made it. I am proud to say the past 9 years where due to the help of my new husband who is one of the sources of my strength. My main strength comes from God and from within. Even though I love my husband and our life together, never again will I allow anyone to destroy me or kill my dreams or steal my happiness and joy. I love being in a marriage that is a partnership, however, I did learn the hard way "its ok to let a man take care of you, as long as both of you know you can take care of yourself." Please be encouraged, I know life isnt fair what we go through because we can't see through people or their intentions, but allow it to mold you into a stronger and more resilient person. You sound very determined and I'm sure its only a matter of time before you are back on your feet. Don't stop believing in yourself.
in response to Bee's Knees...poor thing, I keep reading those posts and feel so sorry that you have to keep telling them you dont work for that show! Hopefully it will die down after people start reading that you are not in charge of the show and have no affiliation..maybe if you repost this a few times a day more people will see it and take the hint :)
good luck, I hope it dies down
in response to Sophie 17...Your welcome and take care..Im sorry I know this is a rough time..talk to me anytime ok? Im actually pretty nice when you get to know me :)
in response to Sophie 17...I'm sorry Sophie, you are right. I shouldn't have even commented on the post you had because I don't know your personal one to one conversations. I was venting over people I had personally dealt with who were ungrateful for my help and I think one of your comments rubbed me the wrong way..when you said you didn't want to deal with anyone or their issues..I was a little taken aback because I did read more than once that Ekikaseven said herself she never heard thanks from you. With that being said, you have enough on your plate and you have my sincere apology.
